To be a Good Enough Mother Must You be a Super-Mom?

 

The child-care guru D.W. Winnicott wrote about “the ordinary devoted mother.”  He coined the term “the good enough Mother.”

A good enough Mom nourishes the connections she feels between herself and her child and she takes care, not only of her children, but also of herself.

Science is aware of how the connections between us as human beings affect us at a cellular level.  Nowhere is this connection more powerful than that between mother and child.

For instance, science tells mom not to be tense around baby or baby will feel the tenseness and become an uptight baby.  This is enough to make a new mom tense if she interprets the information to mean that she has to always be relaxed when she is with baby.  But, it can be helpful information if mom interprets it to mean that she has to take care of herself and focus on her needs in order to enjoy and to nurture baby. Yes, a tense Mom makes for a tense baby but baby cannot make Mom tense.  Mom makes herself tense by the pressures she puts on herself and by not taking proper care of her own mind-body needs.

Of course mothering is exceedingly important for the well being of the child.  But, Mom let’s go back to Winnicott’s time and remember that being good enough is good enough!  After all, you are not a perfect person and so no task you undertake will be done perfectly.  Rule number one for parenting must be to take pressure off of Mom!  I don’t think this happens often enough.  Actually I think many mothers are experiencing parenting as a pressure cooker.

Go to any gathering of young women and you will find them chatting about their kids and their parenting styles.  There is, I think, an underlying feeling of anxiety and competiveness in the conversation.  Who does more for their child?  Who does it better?  I wish they’d talk about politics—–even in today’s partisan world there might be less anxiety!

Is how the kids turn out mom’s report card on herself?  Wow!  If so that is a lot of pressure on both mother and child.  Kids often believe that their grades, their popularity, their success in sports or the arts is how you evaluate yourself.  Once they know that they begin to act for Mom instead of taking pleasure in their own successes.  This, in the long run creates an internal feeling of emptiness and it diminishes a desire to achieve.

Children need nurturing Moms who are happy within themselves and don’t lean on their kids for their self esteem.

How can you be a good enough mother?

There is not a recipe for rearing perfect children.  But if there were, the first line would read, “Remove parental pressure and anxiety.”

Children are amazing creatures. They see the world with fresh eyes, alert awareness and an open heart.  They need respect for their way of being, love, kindness and firm but loving boundaries.  They will grow up to reach their full potential if they receive positive messages.

We reinforce what we talk about.  If a child is sloppy, note the times they pick up their clothes.  “I notice you were very tidy when you made your bed today” is a powerful message for change.  “Why are you always so sloppy” is a powerful message for status quo. Telling a child that she is happy, healthy, and smart will go a long way to helping her to turn out that way.

Love the children but love yourself first and in this way insure that you do a good job for everyone: child and mother!

Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way is about the creation of health and its by-product, happiness.  The healthy and happy person is grounded and operates from a well of stability and flexibility. The maintenance of health and happiness through Ayurveda and meditation is the best insurance for the creation of competent, happy children.  Sandra and I suggest that you put on your oxygen mask first and that you focus on enjoying the small creatures God has placed in your care.  Enjoyment, love, positivity are the antidotes for pressure and guilt!

As always, we wish you perfect health and happiness.

A Look at Where We’ve Been and Where We Are Headed

I became interested in Ayurveda in the early nineties.  At that time I had a good friend who had an M.D., and training in Chinese medicine and Ayurveda.  He was sort of a medical one-man-band.

Because he had knowledge of different medical systems Paul would become frustrated with what he saw as deficits in Western medicine.

I remember that he would rail at the fact that Chinese medicine and Ayurveda were referred to as complimentary or alternative.  These medical systems were, he would say, thousands of years old. How did they become “alternative” or “complimentary?”

From Paul I learned a great deal that wasn’t, in general, spoken about at that time.  Often now, when reading a newspaper or magazine I am reminded of things he said 15 or so years ago.

For instance, in the early nineties he said that the medical profession was a leading cause of death in the United States.  I was shocked to hear the statistics on how many people died from taking prescription drugs as prescribed.  I was surprised to learn how often things in hospitals went awry.

Just a few weeks ago Newsweek published a piece on the dangers of Western medicine and gave pretty much the same statistics

(although somewhat more severe) than Paul had stated in the 90’s.  I guess things haven’t changed very much:  unfortunately.

Certainly it is a tragedy that Western medicine remains dangerous. However, I do believe that there are some positive changes too.

It takes a long time for research to go from the laboratory to the mainstream but some of the issues Paul spoke of are being addressed.

I remember that at some point in the 90’s a well-known hospital installed a fast food restaurant.  The rationale was that people should be able to eat what they wanted.  If a patient desired a cheeseburger and fries then they should have easy access to that food.

Paul was horrified but not surprised. He told me that most of the M.D.’s he knew looked at food as “fuel.”

His view was that doctors should not view nutrition as a matter of regularly filling the tank with gas and just making sure that, at least most of the time, this gas wasn’t too high in octane (fat).

I believe that awareness about food has increased during the past 15 or so years.  Much of this awareness initially came from cardiologists interested in heart health and it has spread throughout the medical community.

Currently there are many books available that tout the importance of knowing what are the right foods for you.  (Of course, the best of these books is Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way by Liebler and Moss!)

Doctors do, I believe, talk about nutrition with their patients. Proper nutrition is known to enhance the I.Q. of growing children and to extend life and enhance good health.  There is a strong belief in our society that good nutrition is pivotal to a good life.  There has been a backlash against the cheeseburger and fries state of mind!    This change was a long time coming, but as a society there is now awareness of and interest in good nutrition. Obesity is a major issue but it is being talked about and dealt with.  Awareness of the importance of healthy eating is on the rise.

Sleep was another issue that Paul and I discussed.  He would become dismayed with his colleagues if they had a “you snooze you lose” mentality.  He said that every aspect of health and life is dependent on proper sleep.  One’s happiness, growth, strength, knowledge, and life all depend on sleep.  Because the effects are not immediate, we can deceive ourselves into thinking that missing sleep has little consequence. However, the accumulation of poor sleep over time, of cutting sleep regularly, of staying up later than the body feels comfortable all affect the body and one’s health.

Recently I have noticed several articles in popular media about sleep and its importance.  I do chuckle when I read that line “current research shows……”

I chuckle because current research is showing what the ancients knew thousands of years ago.  Sleep is important for health.

The benefits of meditation have also reached the mainstream.  For years I referred to myself as a “closet meditator.”  Meditation was considered to be weird or at the very least, unusual.  I didn’t want to defend my practice or myself so I kept what I did quiet.  Nowadays research has validated the effects of meditation and millions of people meditate.  The way people think about meditation has changed dramatically. The benefits of meditation have reached mainstream thinking and doctors frequently recommend meditation to their patients.

Millions of people are now aware of the dangers of Western medicine and millions seek out natural medicine of one form or another. Over time the popularity of natural medicine will affect Western thinking.  Consumer demand will insure that Western medicine will become more prevention oriented.

These are challenging times but I look forward to reading that more and more of the things Paul told me back in the 90’s have been “discovered” by modern Western medicine. Hopefully, over time we will witness a blending of all that is good in different systems—-and utilize interventions that work and eliminate the dangerous.

Sandra and I send you our best wishes for perfect health and happiness!

Parents and Back to School Jitters!

Kids and parents get the back to school jitters.  Susie and Johnny want to like their teacher, be liked by both teacher and fellow students and, of course, they want to grasp the learning.  Really, no one marches off to school on that first day thinking they want to screw up the year.

 

Mom and Dad desire success for their offspring and they have their own challenges to face at the start of the school year.  Frequently parents are nervous about handling the scheduling challenges this year will bring.

 

What is the situation in your home?  Are there two parents or are you a single parent?  If there are two parents do both work outside the home  or does only one person work outside?  Do your children go to the same school and have similar schedules or different schools and wildly diverse schedules?  Are the children close in age or spread out over several years?

 

As a society, life in the fast lane has ramped up. I scratch my head in wonderment when I hear of the demanding schedules people keep!  One friend of mine joked that she wished the automakers would put microwaves in cars.  She said, “If they did I could arrive home from work at night, pull in the driveway and carry dinner into the house.”  (At least I think she was joking!)

 

Everyone knows that the kids need lots and lots of sleep if they are to be successful.  They need to eat nutritious food to nourish the mind-body.  I want to remind you today that in order to have successful children it is also helpful to have sane parents. Following are a few tips for keeping your sanity in the face of all the busyness.

 

Environmental Management! 

 

• Take the time to organize yourself and if you have a partner work on establishing a cooperative work share plan with him or her.  Discuss duties and divide workload.

 

• Download schedules and put the weekly schedule in a place that is easily accessed by all family members.

 

• Plan transportation in advance so you aren’t scrambling at the last minute.  Car pools are good things to be in!

 

• Take the time to make a weekly meal plan and be a well-organized shopper.  You don’t want to be making frequent runs to the grocery store.

 

• Set up a specific time for homework and give the kids a good set up for doing it. Efficient set up is about 90% of any successful and creative job!

 

• The entire school year will be busy but the busyness will also come in waves.  A good body surfer knows you have to stay ahead of the wave.  Efficiency, good planning and being organized will not only save your sanity.  They will create a state of calmness in your home that will nurture and nourish the children.

 

• Efficiency, good planning and being organized will  also  make the year  more  pleasant for you and enable you to enjoy family life.

 

• Get out once in a while.  Have some fun.  Cater to yourself.  It can’t be all about the kids 100% of the time.  Make it about you every now and again!

 

As always, Sandra and I send our best wishes for perfect health and happiness.

 

To Be Good It Helps to Feel Good!

 

 

My husband, Bud, and I attended a funeral this morning.  Bud gave one of the eulogies.

 

The funeral was for a man named Patrick, a former colleague of Buds’.

 

Don’t funerals help you to place things in perspective?  Attending funerals, or celebrations of life, as they are so often referred to today, always remind me of the importance of character and values.  Isn’t it our character and values that help us to navigate life’s difficulties?  Integrity is a quality that keeps us thinking straight even when the going is rough and tough.

 

On one hand, it seemed as if Patrick had had a relatively easy life.  He had a lovely wife, a successful career, and two grown sons, who made him very proud.  But was it all easy?  Patrick’s Mother died when he was four years old.

 

He had had to drop out of college because of a lack of funds.  Eventually he did go back to school.  He battled cancer as a younger man and after 28 healthy years he had to resume this battle.  This time he lost.

 

Each speaker today mentioned Patrick’s integrity, his fine character. He was described, over and over, as a “good, good” person.  I think his character dominated his life experience and were evident to all who came in contact with him.  I am certain that it was character and values that guided him through the rough patches, he, like all of us experienced.

 

In our book Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way Sandra and I discuss the importance of keeping the mind-body in harmony with nature.  The necessary tools for this endeavor are awareness and intentionality. We are constantly affected by the environment; by what happens to us and what goes on around us.  In spite of challenges it is possible to maintain our natural internal balance.

 

Physiological balance allows us to think more clearly and to have happy feelings even in times of stress.  Physiological balance helps us to maintain our character.  No one behaves well if they feel dreadful emotionally, physically, or mentally.  Balance is key for character, values and integrity.

 

The mind, body and spirit is one seamless energetic system and no matter where we intervene we affect the totality.  Are you behaving the way you believe you ought to behave?  Are you following your values and living according to your belief system?  I hope you are but if you are letting yourself down how about checking into Ayurveda?  This ancient system of medicine can help you to find internal balance, to feel better, and to, therefore, be who you want to be!  The thing about Ayurveda that we treasure is simply this:  it works!  It helps us to achieve perfect health and this assists us in becoming the person we wish to be.

 

As always, Sandra and I send you our best wishes for perfect health and happiness!

 

 

Happiness is Your Birthright!

I was a student in Catholic schools during the 1950’s.

 

All organizations are influenced by culture and at that time the culture inherent in my school was that we must suffer to attain the bliss that the after life offers.  Life was a valley of tears and only heaven offered happiness.

 

The belief systems given to children form the foundation for their perceptions about life.  Perceptions become a part of us and we take them for granted.

 

I did not realize how deeply I had ingrained the belief that there is glory in suffering until I began to study Ayurveda.  When I first heard through Ayurveda that happiness was equated with perfect health and was the birthright of all human beings, I experienced an internal release that fascinated me.  This was the experience of a major shift in perceptual awareness.  I became more open to the experience of happiness!  I am certain that being more open to happiness enhanced my overall health as well as my overall happiness.

 

If we are healthy and our doshas are in balance, positive thinking will come naturally to us.  At the same time, positive thinking can move our physiology in a healthier direction.  The mind, body and spirit are connected at a deep level and whatever affects one aspect of our being affects the totality.

 

Ayurveda (and modern science) teaches that it takes very little to change our physiology in a healthier direction.  We can do this by using our mind and our attitude.  Think of it this way:  if you tug on one leg of a table the entire table moves.  If you make a mental shift you can reset your entire physiology.  For instance, modern science and Ayurveda teach us that the experience of love and of being a loving person is healing to the mind-body.  Making a decision to “be more loving” can create a change in your cellular structure, bringing you closer to ideal health.

 

One of the most exciting fields in modern medical research is Psychoneuroimmunology. PNI studies the links between the mind and the body.  This science has demonstrated that our emotional body conducts many of our physiological responses.  Consider the following:

 

• The feeling of joy, defined as “mental resilience and vigor” by researchers, was the second strongest predictor of survival time among women with recurrent breast cancer, following “length of disease-free intervals.”

 

• The two highest risk factors for a first heart attack in men under fifty are not the ones taught in medical school—overweight, smoking, diabetes, family history, or high cholesterol—but a lack of job satisfaction and a low level of general happiness.

 

• Herpes infections recur more frequently in people who are depressed.

 

• Bereavement causes a drop in the number of T-cells, an indication of the diminished capacity of the immune system to respond, which subsequently normalizes as the grief lessens over time.

 

• Some terminally ill people, especially women, are able to “postpone” imminent death until after an event they cherish and long to see, such as a family wedding or the birth of a grandchild, or even until a meaningful holiday has passed.

 

• In one study, flu was found to be most common amount the employees whose morale was lowest.

 

(A Woman’s Best Medicine, Lonsdorf, Butler and Brown)

 

The convergence of ancient medicine and modern science is exciting.  Both are telling us that happiness on earth is not only possible, and, indeed, our right as human beings, but that this emotion can be stabilized and it will enhance our health.

 

Yes, suffering is a part of everyone’s life.  But an attitude that embraces suffering is not in our best interest.  On the contrary, the experience of love and happiness enhances our spirituality and our overall health. Happiness is ours for the taking and yes it is our birthright!

 

As always, Sandra and I wish you happiness and perfect health!

Rolling with the Punches Life Hands Out

Even without a punch or two, living life can be a stressful experience.  Of course, every day brings blessings but every day also brings challenges. Over time meeting these challenges exerts wear and tear on our physiology.

 

The physiology, or the mind-body-spirit, is one seamless energetic system and whatever affects one aspect of this system affects the totality.  Sometimes we forget this principle.  We tend to separate our physical health from our mental and emotional health and to lose awareness of the underlying wholeness sustaining our system.  We forget that a physical illness can be the result of an emotional event or that mental disturbances can be indicative of a lifestyle that has damaged our physical body.  We forget that our physiology is an ecological system.

 

We wish to maintain our overall health and well being while rolling with the punches life hands out.  This is a challenge but it is a challenge that Ayurveda can help us to meet.

 

In Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way Sandra and I explain the principles of Ayurveda in depth.  We explain how this ancient science works, why it works, and we offer questionnaires enabling you to know your constitutional type.  Once you understand your type you will be able, through the information in Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way, to find specific ways to help keep your physiology balanced.  According to Ayurveda, balance is equated with health and its by-product—-happiness.

 

Ayurveda is often referred to as an instruction manual telling us how to live our life.  But it is more than that.  Ayurveda is all about awakening the incredible “physician within” to actualize our potential to heal. More specifically, the physician within can be conceptualized as the natural intelligence inherent in all of us.  This natural intelligence can heal a cut on our finger, bring balance to our brain chemistry, and even heal a broken heart.  When we know how to activate our innate natural intelligence we are able to maintain strength and get through life’s challenges with our health intact.

 

Oftentimes we struggle to maintain a positive belief system in the face of obstacles and challenges.  This is understandable and denotes good character, but if our physiology has become imbalanced due to stressful experiences then these mental efforts only create additional stress.  It is as if we are attempting to put a pretty face over a cesspool.  We will yield a higher benefit if we focus on using the tenets of Ayurveda to balance the physiology.  Once balanced, positive thoughts are natural and we do not have to struggle to maintain them.

 

Ayurveda is ancient yet ultramodern.  It is ancient when measured by chronological time, because the gems of wisdom it offers are timeless.  It is ultramodern, ahead of its time, because its fundamental concepts are currently being explored and expounded upon by those at the cutting edge of modern science and technology, quantum physicists and molecular biologists, among others.  We expect that in the future, as modern wisdom catches up with this ancient science, Ayurveda will become a household word.  We urge you to read about Ayurveda now.  We think that as you read our book you will often realize that we are telling you what you already know, can validate through your experience, and intuitively sense to be correct.  The beauty of this system of health, this thing called Ayurveda, is this:  it works!

 

As always, Sandra and I wish you perfect health and happiness!

 

 

 

 

What is the Difference between Depression and Sadness?

Last Sunday, CBS Sunday Morning did a segment on depression.  Wow!  It was depressing.

 

One in every 10 Americans is depressed.  More people (30 million) take anti-depressant medications than go to the movies every week. And this is just what is known:  it is assumed that many others, perhaps millions, are among the walking wounded, depressed people who have not received medical attention. People with deep depression tend not to see their physician about the problem and people who are mildly depressed are put on medications that don’t work for them.

 

Millions of people are confused by their depression.  They believe that they should only feel bad if “something” is wrong in their lives.  In other words, they believe externals not physiological holistic health, is the cause of depression.

 

Dr. Jerome Wakefield from the New York University School of Social Work informed the listeners that what causes depression is a “big mystery.”  Dr. Wakefield said that no one knows what happens in a depressed person’s brain.  By these words he reinforced the idea that depression is the result of the “broken brain.”  This was, I thought unfortunate, because as long as our culture is stuck thinking that depression is only about a chemical imbalance in the brain, there will be no cure or plan of prevention in sight.

 

Depression is about more than a “broken brain” (a chemical imbalance.) It is a condition that intimately involves many facets of being.  It affects the physical being as well the mental, emotional, social, and spiritual self.  It is much more than a broken brain yet is often successfully addressed by changes in lifestyle and by natural interventions.

 

Dr. Wakefield put forth a strong argument against the idea that rates of depression are going up.  I found his argument to be intriguing.  He believes that through television the pharmaceutical companies have succeeded in changing our cultural view of how we should feel. Based on the plethora of ads for anti-depressants, consumers feel it is no longer acceptable to feel sad.  They believe they are depressed when what they are really experiencing is simple normal sadness.

 

I wonder if Dr. Wakefield is right about this.  I think he might well be.  Although, on the other hand, if chronic sadness is affecting millions of Americans that is certainly a problem that needs to be addressed.  Sadness is an aspect of everyone’s life, but it should not be chronic.  To counter chronic sadness Ayurveda offers strategies that help to generate a vibrant life force.  Sandra and I discuss these in depth in Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way.

 

The  CBS broadcast repeated the message we have often delivered, the that anti-depressants do not have any effect for most people who take them.  Western medicine is now accepting this as fact.  However, millions of people continue to take the pills because they do not know of another solution.  I do wish these millions of people would pick up a copy of Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way. Besides the fact that the pills do not have a positive effect, their side effects can be extremely troublesome.

 

Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way offers a holistic view of depression. It screams out the good news that happiness is our birthright and if our physiology is in balance and healthy we will experience this emotion.  At the same time, we will always have access to the full depth and breath of emotions.  It is inevitable that at times sadness will come to us.  But happiness can and should be a backdrop and accessible the majority of the time.

 

It is personally empowering to know that we hold our health and happiness in our own hands.  Sandra and I wish this empowerment for each of you!  We hope that your physiology is filled with the vitality that wards off depression and ensures good health and happiness!

 

Staying Calm, WARM, and Collected During the Winter Months

Sandra and I live in Michigan.  Until a few days ago I wondered if we had shifted into a more temperate weather zone.  I wondered this because only one week ago the temperature here registered at 45 degrees.  In January 45 degrees is pretty much unheard of in this northern state.

Of course our honeymoon didn’t last and now we are experiencing winter weather.  Although not yet blustery it is chilly outside.  As the song says, it’s time to “button up that overcoat.”  This rapid change in weather has caused me to reflect on how seasonal changes affect the mind-body.

Although modern medicine is only beginning to consider the effects of annual biorhythms on the mind-body, teaching us how to transition from season to season has been an integral aspect of Ayurveda for thousands of years.

From the ancient medical system of Ayurveda we learn that nature and the body are part of a single continuum of intelligence.  This theme is the essence of how Ayurveda handles the change of the seasons.  Balancing the three doshas is the key for our adaptation to the effects of the seasons since each season exhibits the predominance of one dosha.

 

As you know, the doshas are the homeostatic or governing principles of the mind-body. The word “dosha” denotes the combinations of the elements of air, space, ground, fire, and water that make up the underlying intelligence of the universe.  Everything in nature, including the human physiology, is a manifestation of these elements.  Teaching us how to keep our unique elemental constitution in balance is the task of Ayurveda. Balance equates with health and the by-product of perfect health—happiness.

 

Albeit with different language, modern quantum physicists echo Vedic knowledge.  They tell us that five spin types (elements) form the most basic concepts in particle physics.  Physicists assert that everything in creation is derived from the combination of these five fundamental spin types into three superfields:  gravity, gauge, and matter.  Modern science and ancient wisdom agree on the nature of the universe.  But, only the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda gives us the practical advice necessary to roll with the seasons and keep our mind-body in balance.

 

Winter is Vata Time

Winter is the Vata (combination of space and air) time of year and the Vata qualities of dryness and coldness which exist in our physiology can easily become aggravated by the environment.  If Vata dosha becomes aggravated this can produce oversensitivity to colds, respiratory infections, insomnia, dry skin, indecisiveness, hyperactivity and worry.

Ayurveda offers many practical interventions to keep Vata dosha in balance.  If we follow these interventions we will avoid the physical and emotional ups and downs that can be triggered by an imbalance in Vata dosha.  In our book Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way, Sandra and I give in-depth suggestions for keeping Vata dosha in balance.  Today I want to highlight just one significant intervention that we can use to stay warm and calm during these cold Vata aggravating months.  This intervention is an oil massage with sesame oil.  The Sanskrit word for massage is abhyanga.

 

The abhyanga has, according to Ayurveda, profound health benefits.  Vedic tradition maintains that frequent oil massage promotes softness and luster of the skin, lubricates the muscles, tissues, and joints, and increases their flexibility.  Moreover, by stimulating the tissues in the body, oil massage is said to help keep impurities from accumulating in the system.  Daily abhyanga is recommended but if you cannot do the abhyanga on a daily basis even two or three times a week will offer you significant benefits.

 

Different oils work for different constitutional types.  But, in the cold of winter sesame oil works best for most people because sesame oil has particular properties that nourish and warm the body.

 

Massaging the skin with warm sesame oil pacifies all three doshas, but the soothing influence of warmth and touch on the skin’s many nerve endings calms Vata dosha especially.  This affects the whole system, because Vata leads the other doshas, and when it becomes aggravated, the other two will often follow suit. Abhyanga will benefit everyone at all times of the year, but it is particularly important in the winter.  Apart from the benefits mentioned above abhyanga will keep the skin from becoming dry and cracked, a frequent problem when Vata is aggravated in winter.

 

The oil must be organic and cured.  To buy high quality sesame oil go to Mapi.com or call Mapi at 1-800-345-8332.

 

Sandra and I want to remind you that if you keep Vata dosha in balance during the winter months you will transition into spring without encountering an excess of mucus that triggers allergies and springtime colds and flus.  As always we wish you perfect health and its by-product, happiness!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image from http://www.care2.com/greenliving/ayurvedic-oil-massage.html

Happiness is yours for the taking!

Happiness is a goal that all of us should desire.  We should desire it for ourselves and for our loved ones.  But, what are the steps along the way?  How do we attain a state of happiness?  Certainly, we do not reach this desired state by simply wishing it into existence.

According to Ayurveda happiness is a by-product of perfect health and happiness is our birthright.  When the physiology is in balance and every cell is vibrating with vitality happiness is ours to enjoy.

A state of happiness doesn’t mean that we do not relate to the full range of emotions.  Happiness can exist in tandem with other emotions.  A feeling of happiness can emanate along with a feeling of concern about something or a sense of sadness about a loss or disappointment.  In other words, in the course of normal daily living we can entertain more than one emotion at a time without losing happiness.

In Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way we recommend the Transcendental Meditation technique as one means to help us attain health and happiness.  There is ample research attesting to the efficacy of this technique.

The TM technique provides deep rest and rest is healing.  Because the rest this technique provides directly affects the nervous system, practice of the technique affects all aspects of our functioning.

Studies on the TM technique have shown us that one of the effects regular meditators show is increased self-actualization.  Growth of self actualization is defined by the development of the following qualities:  open, receptive, caring attitude, cheerfulness and good humor; predominance of positive thinking; spontaneity and appreciation.

Aren’t the above mentioned qualities all attributes which we can easily recognize as potentially helpful not only for our individuality but also for our relationships?

The qualities inherent in self-actualization increase our ability for strong but flexible boundaries and this type of boundary is very helpful for positive relationships.  When we can objectively listen to our loved ones without becoming reactive we are increasing our chances that we, in turn, will be heard and appreciated by them.

All aspects of life and living are connected.  Scientists tell us that people who report having positive relationships feel happier than those who do not.  Being happy in relationships is also correlated with good health.  We are on a merry-go-round because if we are happy and healthy our relationships will be more positive and positive relationships increase the qualities of health and happiness.

In sum:  When you think, as we all do, about what you might do to increase happiness in your life—-look at the entire package.  Health, happiness and positive relationships are inter-connected and one cannot exist without the others.

We encourage you to pick up a copy of Healing Depression the Mind-Body Way and choose a starting point in your quest to attain happiness.  The lifestyle changes you make to benefit yourself will, we hope, lead to improvement in all aspects of your total well-being.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Nancy & Sandra